Sumner. is a dork. he is such a dork that he just recently “cut” his index finger while trying to “cut” a stick. well, that’s the short version. he was really trying to “widdle a flute” out of a stick. stupidness. so i have this theory…
just about, oh, 10 million years ago, bugs roamed the earth. they were happy bugs. being born, flying around, dying 24 hours later. Sumner, was not one of these bugs. in fact, he wasn’t even born yet. ok, so let’s fast forward.
just about, oh, 5 million years ago, Sumner was born. not the normal way, oh no. Sumner was hatched…from a flounder. kind of. the flounder died, his eyeball popped out, and Sumner hatched from the eyeball. but he wasn’t a flounder. he wasn’t a boy, oh no. he was a ladybug. a girl ladybug.
Sumner was a happy ladybug. he flew around, eating aphids, for a full 24 hours. then he died. then he was an ateater. until he died. then he turned into a flounder. he almost died right away, do to the fact that anteaters live on land. but he didn’t. this continued for millions of years.
he shifted through many beings: turtle, butterfly, mocking bird, inch worm, platipus, rabbit, grizzly bear, house cat, gorilla, and several others. all the while, he was a girl.
then, just 4781 short days ago, (that’s 13 years and 36 days for all of you slow peeps) Sumner died again, and was reborn as a human. a girl human. now, what i didn’t tell you was that one of the creatures he was born as, was a Tebliquean. Tebliqueans feed on…DORKINESS! and the daily V8, soy crackers, dead slugs, and Kelly dolls of course. since then, 400 years ago, that is what his *cough cough* her diet has mainly consisted of.
now, as you know, only guys are dorky right? well, except for Mr.Robot, and it doesn’t work on him *couch couch* her. so, as the years built up, all of that guy dorkiness added up too. by the time Sumner was 4 hours old as a human, she was a guy. freeky. i no.
so there ya have it. Sumner…is a TEBLIQUEAN!!! and a girl.
by the way, V8 is gross.
-Lizzy-wa OUT! 😛
PS- Sumner is also a cruel and evil slug-kissing liar. (wich is why we call him Cesl. get it? C.E.S.L.)
-Lizzy-wa OUT! 😛 (again)